I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
