someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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