So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
