i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want to make out with him forever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
