if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
