You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
