Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
