Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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