i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
