the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
