So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
