I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
