so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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