On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
