I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
