Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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