ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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