She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
