i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She announced her abortion via fbk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
