yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She announced her abortion via fbk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
