I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
