so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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