There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
