i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
