who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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