He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
