True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
