Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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