Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
