I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
