I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
