what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
