i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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