my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
