K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You made out with two different species that night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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