I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
