1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
