it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
