Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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