Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
