I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
