FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
