Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize