Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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