im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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