i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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