5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
