you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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