According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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