What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
