waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
