Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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