Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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