some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize