Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
