I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
