My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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