Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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