My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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