Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
People in love make me want to vomit
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
