I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
