Cold hands, warm shart.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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