yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize