i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
