im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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