idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
