you guys were way drunker than both of me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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