I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
