dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
