You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize