he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
