its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
farters have to be the big spoon...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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