Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
