Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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