maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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