shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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