Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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