Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
