I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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