Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
