Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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