Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
