Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
