As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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