He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize