Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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