nut hugger
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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