A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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