I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize