My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
