Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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