Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
