Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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