I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
