capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
