At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
