put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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