What did we do last night that was yellow?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
