Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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