I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
