I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize