Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
