Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
