I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize