ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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