Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
