she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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