I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
