Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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