i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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