and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
50% drunk capacity currently
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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