Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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