He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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