You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
